Sick of all the rain and tired of the waiting

My head is aching like hell. I don't want to sound depressed but realle, I think I am. I'm doing my biggest effort to not cut me again. I'm sick of feeling pain. It's already too much in mi mind to start feeling it again in my body. I have the time of my life when I listen to a song that I love or when I sing it, but it all ends when the song ends. My life ends. I stop breathing, I stop living. I feel like my life is going nowhere. I don't know why or how to turn it arround, give it a meaning. I rely in my friends. My pieces of reality, otherwise I'd be already gone. I don't know where, but gone. I want a lifechanging moment, something that can open my eyes and tell me 'it's worth living, it's worth fighting, YOU ARE WORTH IT, you are good enough to live' I don't need a person, I need a wake up call. I'll do the rest, but I really need it, I can't take this feeling anymore... I'm standing on the edge