Flowers wither, treasures stay hidden

I grew up in a normal house. A normal neighbourhood. A normal family. I never knew sadnees. I hardly ever cried. I loved my life. One day everything changed, and though I seem happy now, and I seemed happy back then, I wasn't, and I'm not. I never want to play the victim in this game, but the truth is that I feel like it. I supposed to rely on people that I trusted. But thouse people were just gone or worst, they didn't like me anymore. I cried and nowadays, I'm still crying. I hate what I've become. I hate myself for being such a coward and don't face my fears. I hate myself for hiding everything, but I know that I do that for a reason. My life is not what I'd wanted it to be.
And that's the moment whaen I look arround, and I see the lifes of the people I have arround. Thouse normal lifes I wish I had and... in that only moment, I'm ashamed of mysel for thinking the way I did. That's not the life I want! I mean... The people I know with their 'normal' lifes are just... I don't know... empty in some way. The only thing I can say I ... liked? about the life I live now, the pain I've been through, the tears I cried, the people I lost is that... all thouse things made me stronger, made me wiser made me.. a better person that everybody else. I feel sorry for them when I know they don't feel the same emotions I feel whenever I listen to a song, a melody, I saw an inspiring picture, some beautiful poems, sing an emotional song, ... laught when all you know about is pain an sorrow. That's a beautiful feeling, and all I can say is that I found ... in the meadow of life, my acre of Heaven.

Ever seen the Lord smile?

All the care for the world made Beautiful a sad man?

Why do we still carry a device of torture around our necks?

Oh, how rotten your pre-apocalypse is

All you bible-black fools living over nightmare ground

SONG OF MYSELF - NIGHTWISH

I'm but a poet who failed his best play

I hide my weakness. I hide. I hide and I sick of hiding. I hide because of the reactions people may have about my thoughts. I know for sure that my thought are very deep, and sometimes I even scare myself with them. Not only my thoughts, also my dreams. I don't know... I just don't want to be that kind of people that go to the university, graduate, have a job, get married and have children. I hate that kind of life, knowing your routine and thinking that that's all you are going to be doing the rest of your life. I love music. I love singing. End of the story. That's all I wanna do in my life, sing. But sometimes my voice cracks or I just cannot reach highternotes or I'm out of tune and... I know I can do it, I can reach the highest note and my voice is so strong that it's not likely for it to crack. I know that thouse mistakes only happend because I don't let myself go further. I know I'm good at it, and I know that my life is not meant to be that way. I'm not allowed to dream about music, so, I just make mistakes on purpuse just to not encourage myself with that sweet flavor of finally finding what I've been looking for. I don't want to accept it. I won't allowed myself accept it.
Don't missunderstood me, I love singing. I don't care if I do ir good or bad, if I sing pop, metal, rock, in english, spanish, germany, whatever. I love it. That's my thing. I'm afrait to touch heaven with my hands, because that's where my heaven is, in music. I'm so afraid to go back to the reality once I felt like that. I'd rather stay on the ground and dream, that suffer the fall. I't a terrible thought, specially for me, that's not an advice I would give to someone in the same situation. But I have so much to lose...
I don't know what to do, leaving, die and reborn from my ashes, make a new life far away form my roots, or stay, hang on, until I can't do it any more...

 "I'm afraid, I'm so afraid.

being raped, again and again, and again

I know I will die alone

but loved.

I just wish the tide would catch me first and give me

a death I always longed for."

THE POET AND THE PENDULUM - NIGHTWISH

Sick of all the rain and tired of the waiting

My head is aching like hell. I don't want to sound depressed but realle, I think I am. I'm doing my biggest effort to not cut me again. I'm sick of feeling pain. It's already too much in mi mind to start feeling it again in my body. I have the time of my life when I listen to a song that I love or when I sing it, but it all ends when the song ends. My life ends. I stop breathing, I stop living. I feel like my life is going nowhere. I don't know why or how to turn it arround, give it a meaning. I rely in my friends. My pieces of reality, otherwise I'd be already gone. I don't know where, but gone. I want a lifechanging moment, something that can open my eyes and tell me 'it's worth living, it's worth fighting, YOU ARE WORTH IT, you are good enough to live' I don't need a person, I need a wake up call. I'll do the rest, but I really need it, I can't take this feeling anymore... I'm standing on the edge

Turn Loose the Mermaids

I live, I breath, I sing. That's my thing. I live for music.
Since I was a little girl I knew that, I loved to sing songs, mostly in English, without even know that language. Whenever I felt nervous or sad, I just listened to my old casettes or sang the songs in my head and without noticing, I felt calm again. My favourite song to sing was 'My Heart Will Go On', fron Titanic, a movie thar I haven even seen complete because my parents didin't allowed me to. I sang in my shower, in my room, everywhere I could. Once I decided to sang it for my mother, after my bath. I was 10 years old I thing, or maybe younger, i don't know... whatever, the thing is that I sang it to her and I thought I did beautifully and I was very pround of myself, but my mum didn't think so: she said 'Oh it's ok, pretty good' and that was it. I don't know why, but since that momento on, I thought that 1) I didn't have the 'beautiful' voice I thought I had and 2) Everybody can just sing the way I do, everybody has the music within.
I grew up believing that things and because of thar, I kept my 'talent' just for myself. Time went by, I was 17 and I was at a friend's house. We were doing a project and I was SO bored that I decided to sing along with the radio. I didn't say 'OK, let's sing' I just started singing without really thinking about it. My friends were 'WHAT! DO IT AGAIN' and I was wtf I 'm just singing. They said I did it pretty good, that I should try to sing in the school choir. I didn't want to do that HAHA. I'm VERY shy and, what whould I do such a thing? There were many other people that could just sing as good as me. My friends insisted and I decided to give it a try. I went to my school's church, they gave me a song to sang and so did I. The acoustic in that church was amazing! And I shined over there, I felt it, and by 'shine' I don't mean 'oh I'm such a great singer'. I felt I shined. I felt bright, I felt complete, I felt... myself. I stayed in the choir until the very last day of school and half a year after that, I started singing lessons. In that place I learned tecniques, and I learnt a lot of things about my voice. Nowadays I feel much confident that I felt before about my voice. I have to lear how to believe in myself. Believe that I'm special, that I have a talent, and that I can archieve many goals if I decide to take a risk ang go for more, not staying in the safe side. Because this time I have nothing to lose, and everything to win. It's amazing how just one comment, just a couple of words could change my whole world and that after such a long time, they are still chasing me. Not everyboby can sing the way I do, and I have a beautiful voice. I just have to love it a little bit more ;)

There's No Fear In A Dream

“If you had a friend you would never see again, what would you say? If you could do one last thing for someone you love, what would it be? Say it. Do it. Don’t wait. Nothing lasts forever.”

—	One Tree Hill.